Do you feel like a loser? Tried to succeed but you failed? You might have
a loser mentality. Read this post to check if you have a loser mentality.
I was trying to make a business work for years. I was learning new things, I was going to seminars, live events and learned from Online Courses but nothing worked. Learned about creating a vision because so many people said that vision will pull you during a hard time and if you follow your vision you will succeed.
For a long time, I believed that I was doing everything right. Learned new skills, I was getting better at communicating with people, I started to make some sells online where I earned some profits but it was way far from something that we call a success.
At some point, I started to get really frustrated and tired. I knew that I was doing things right but nothing worked if you are in the same spot that I was you know how it feels. If you are constantly failing and you feel that you can’t make it work to keep reading, because your reason of failing might be same as mine.
I get it. It’s very frustrating and stressful when you work so hard all day and night and you don’t get any results. After some time, you really start to think that you are a loser and you think that it’s impossible to succeed. but you need to realize that not getting results doesn’t mean that you are a loser it just means that you are doing something wrong even you think it’s a right thing to do.
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People might say “If you have a loser mentality and if you constantly think like a loser it means you are a Loser!” but I don’t agree with this. For me, a loser is a person who gave up, a person who lost his will to try and fight. A loser accepted things and life to be as it is and is not willing to change it even tho they hate the way their life is.
The difference between a person who is a loser and a person who just have the loser mentality is that a person with loser mentality didn’t give up. It’s a person that keeps trying even things don’t work and even every possible sign tells him/her to quit. A person with loser mentality believes that is doing the right things even tho his/hers results don’t show it and usually, this thinking comes from our childhood where we learned how to do and handle things from people that weren’t successful or from people who were real losers.
As I mentioned before strong vision is a very powerful thing and you need to have one to reach your goals, but what if your vision subconsciously takes you to a place of failure? Yes, that’s right. You may imagine all the beautiful places you want to go, all the amazing houses and cars you want to have but if your “subconsciously vision” constantly pulls you to a place where you feel fulfilled not succeeding than you have a big problem. This “subconsciously vision” is created by a safety net and by seeking for the permission to fail.
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it’s very good to have supportive people around you, it’s even more awesome when your family is supportive but there is a big difference between supporting someone and giving him a “Safety Net“. A supportive person will try to pull you up, will tell you that you can do this and some supportive people even use their time to help you achieve your goals. you should be thanking full and deeply respect those people. In my life, that would be my wife.
There are also people who will give you a “Safety Net” instead of supporting vibes. This is very tricky and scary because it makes you feel so good. By the “Safety Net”, you can feel even better than getting the real support, but this is the dead end of your journey if you realize about the safety net and you won’t try to get rid of it.
What is the “safety net”? It’s the feeling that even you fail there will be a person or people who will tell you “It’s ok“, “don’t worry about it“, “I tried and failed too“, “look at the good side of it, now you can go back to Job and start living normal life“. Run away immediately from people who might give you this kind of safety net. It’s it’s your parents, brothers, sisters too bad it will be harder for you to overcome it but it’s still possible.
You need to realize that there is no such a thing like a safety net. you started to do something because you wanted to change your life, you wanted to be somebody who people will respect and admire. So keeping in mind thoughts like “If I fail my mother/brother/sister will hug me and tell me that it’s ok. It’s not meant to everybody” will destroy your career and life.
You going back to the place where you started is not a life, you tried to change it, now you have people to tell you that it’s ok to come back? That’s not a happy life, that a life of misery believing that life is the way it is and that you can’t change it. You don’t need that! You are a person with passion and goals, don’t get emotionally attached to the safety net because it destroys your life and business.
The secret that causes you constantly failing is “Seeking for the permission to fail”.
It’s a little bit like a safety net as well but it works more subconsciously and this might be the scariest part of your journey.
You want to succeed, you have a bright vision, you have a family to take care of and you constantly work to make things better but deep inside you are actually looking for the permission to fail. I used to be like that and I am sure there are thousands of people with this issue.
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How can you know that subconsciously you are constantly looking for the permission to fail?
1. You manipulate people the way that if you fail it will look like it’s someone’s fault.
2. You create an environment that makes you fail and you do it to feel safe and to have a way to escape the tiredness.
3. You know that something doesn’t work but you keep doing it to show people that you are working hard but you have no idea why it’s not working.
4. You always find a way Justify the reason of you not creating results.
5. You talk about your bright vision all the time to people but inside your head, you say “yeah, right. I can’t achieve that“.
6. You turn your success vision to a vision of misery.
If you have or do at least 1 of the things above it means you are constantly looking for the permission to fail.There was a time in my life, not for a long time but I started to change my bright vision to a vision of misery starting to feel that if I fail my wife and kids will leave me and then to Find Myself I will get a backpack and will go for a long, long lonely trip to anywhere, just me and my thoughts and that would be Awesome.
I actually started to feel excited about it, but when I think about it now it scares me that my mindset was that much messed up. So at that time what do you think my actions looked like? Even I wanted to succeed and kept learning new things my subconscious mind was doing all the above 6 things. Because it was a battle between my subconscious and conscious mind.
My conscious mind was saying: “you can do it, you want to succeed and have it all, you want to provide more to your family” but my subconscious mind was like: “no you don’t want it that much, isn’t it better to just be alone and fall into a misery so at leas people will notice you and tell you that it’s ok?”
This caused a lot of frustration, stress and feeling exhausted and for some time made me do nothing actually. Had some kind of mental coma where everything was just whatever to me.
This blog post is already too long and if you made to this line I admire and respect you for reading it all. Just wanted to share my thoughts and feelings and tell you where you should put your attention.
There is a big difference between someone who is a loser and someone who just have the loser mentality.
To change your loser mentality you need to focus on the Good things that excite you.
You can’t get emotionally attached to the Safety Net.
You need to pay attention to the 6 points of Seeking The Permission To Fail.
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Have an awesome day my friend!
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